Sometimes I feel a bit strange, because some generally admitted spiritual concepts have absolutely no meaning to me.
Forgiveness is one of those.
In a certain way, I feel that I have no idea what it means. It doesn't connect inside. Of course I could tell you the common explanation. But it seems so mental and conceptual to me, disconnected from what I feel in my body and my emotions.
A few days ago, a friend of mine did not show up at a appointment we had in a restaurant. Fifteen minutes before the scheduled meeting, I sent her an SMS asking if it was still ok and I got a reply "yes".
I went to the restaurant. Fifteen minutes after the appointment time, I tried to call her, but her phone was switched off. I waited half an hour, then drove back home and had dinner on my own. It was not a pleasant experience, but it was a little thing. I went through so many more unpleasant experiences in my life. Then I had no news of her for two days.
Two days later, she wrote me on Facebook : "Please listen to me, I hope you can forgive me"
I did not have a iota of anger. I was happy and aligned writing. So I replied that of course I was listening to her.
She made it clear right away that she was acknowledging that something was wrong.
If she had not I would have told her right away that something was wrong for me.
There was no mental action or decision in the way I reacted. It was just that at this moment, the energy of connecting with her was right.
My feelings tell me that the general idea of forgiveness is wrong and harmful.
As long as there is still a wound inside, as one is still hurt by some else's actions or sayings, it has to find its way out of the system.
There are many ways to express to someone that we have been hurt without anger but firmly, if we use a bit of emotional intelligence.
But if the only way is through expressing it with some anger, as long as this anger stays limited and does not purposely hurt the other person, I think it is better than no expression at all.
Then once it's done and the message has been received either by the person or just by the universe, or maybe just even by ourselves, what I think people call forgiveness occurs. It's not a decision, it's not an action, it's an inner process of releasing the wound inside.
If one's forgiveness is just a mental decision the effect will be to bury the pain deeply.
And it will keep affecting our system.
It will backfire, one day. Or we gonna die with it. What happens after death with what has not been expressed is another subject.
Somehow, it's all about giving up trying to have what people usually think of as a spiritual attitude.
Being spiritual for me is about aligning everything that is inside, all the different parts of our being.
Maybe it requires a bit of expression of anger sometimes.
That is why I allow myself to express my anger towards Chinmoy.
Because he had never recognized having done anything wrong. He was the avatar, he was perfect.
Because so many people who are outside now are so scared of facing the truth.
It works for me.